I wish i could be indifferent to your presence, but when you are around me, it is difficult for me to concentrate on anything else but you. My lips are sealed, and my eyes wander, and i see you walk away quietly... and i wonder, what is going on in your mind? Is my existence worthy enough of being the subject of your thoughts? Who knows, who can tell?

Love is metaphysical gravity.
R. Buckminster Fuller

We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.
W. Somerset Maugham

The last time I cried, I could see the people,
Long ago in the rain,
Waiting as the soldiers put them all on a train,
And the hands on the bars, the eyes full of tears,
And the word is the same, for a thousand years,

Eli Eli Lama, oh Lord, you have forsaken me,
Eli Eli Lama, oh Lord, you have forsaken me;

The last time I cried, I could not believe it,
When I held on a face,
Staring at a soldier with his gun in the rain,
It was the face of a child, my child here asleep,
And the soldier who smiled, the man was me,

Eli Eli Lama, oh Lord, you have forsaken me,
Eli Eli Lama, oh why, have you forsaken me?

[Part of lyrics from the song 'The last time i cried' by Chris De Bergh']

Autumn wins you best by this its mute appeal to sympathy for its decay.
Robert Browning

Ah, i think would compare Autumn with a lovely girl with auburn hair, a sad countenance, lips silent, and an imploring look in her eyes. Indeed, it would win my sympathy.

It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion.
Anatole France

And it is often seen that a person capable of very wise thoughts may at many times be incapable of following his own advice. Perhaps i too am like that at certain moments.

Hi... i was in Faisalabad in the last few days, spending my eid with my relatives there. And unfortunately, there was some problem with internet at my cousins' home, and so i had to spend the previous days cut off from net, and it was very frustrating for a net-addict like me! Many people would have experienced this feelings... its as if you have been isolated from the rest of the world, there is the sensation that something important might be going on in your absence, some crucial email that requited immediate attention... in fact, i was unable to do an important thing because of this non-availability of internet, which i would have liked to do. I think, internet should be declared a basic human right. :)

"What is a poet? An unhappy man who conceals profound anguish in his heart, but whose lips are so fashioned that when sighs and groans pass over them they sound like beautiful music."

Soren Kierkegaard

This is for purpose of record, the scraps i got from friends, and the replies i sent.

NOMI:
ab kessay ho janoo !!! theek thaak na..!!! u scared the HELL out ov me...!!! neva do it again..ok...!!!tum is tarhan giraay kay BUsss....!!! may tu parayshan hi ho gya kay meri SUGARITA ko kya ho gya !!!!

Saad:
awais...meri jaaaan!!!!!wat hapnd??!!!philosophy ki overdose hogy??...yaar m so wurrid...u scared the shit out ov me...syncope!!!!woh bhi pizza hut kay bahir??...smoke...congestion...cold dry pizzas....and fatigue...and u were sittting so far 4m me...muahahaha,....thats why u passd out hayn na???....did u see su angel??brite lite??...was it a near deth xperience??...did it change ur life??/...now u will bekum more religious???...and u will start being generous 2 poor souls like me??...

To Saad:

Lol. Yeah, i fainted cuz dum se doori bardasht nahi ho saki.
What an experience, yaar! My memory is blurred about what happened. I just remember coming out of the Pizza Hut, and i was practically blind. I could see only the outlines of the people and everything was dark. And staggering i put myself against that car for support, and then... its all blank. I don't remember falling or fainting at all.
And as i slowly regained consciousness, everything was like made up of light initially. And i didn't know i had fainted, and i was so confused ke why i am lying down and what are all these people doing around me. And only gradually my mind figured out what was happening. Phew. I was feeling so weak, all energy drained out of me.

Its never happened like this before... although i did faint in the 7th class during assembly time, and Mr Imtiaz Janda picked me up in his arms and carried me to the dispensery! But that was something different. I became all drowsy, and garmi lagna shoroo ho gai, and started feeling suffocation. My eye sight reduced considerably, and my head was spinning. I was in YoYo Land.

Becoming religious, lol. Pascal, the mathematician, nearly died in an accident and after that became highly religious, and produced one of the most important and influential work in religious philosophy, 'Pensees'. Don't worry about me... i think i'll need to faint a couple of more times to achieve that level. Pizza Hut jata raha to yeh nobat bhi ho jae gi!

To Nouman:

I am much better now. Yeah, quite a scary incident for you guys, i suppose. Shukar hai tum log maujood thay, warnay mera kia banta! It was quite unexpected for me too... i suppose the roza, the dehydration, the tiredness of exams and that smoky Pizza Hut atmosphere got the better of me.

To Abdullah:

Lol. Main ne socha yaar, kia bore mauhaul hai. Thori excitement honi chahye, is liye faint ho gia. Thanks for being there and driving me home yaar! I am much better now, after a whole night's rest. But still there is some weakness.

Wow! What an evening last night. I went to Pizza Hut for aftari with my friends, and after the meal, i fainted right outside the restaurant! Thanks God my friends were there with me, and they helped reach home safely. So, this is for my friends:

"If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain. If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain." -Emily Dickinson

"The danger of the past was that men became slaves. The danger of the future is that man may become robots."
Erich Fromm

Day by day we are becoming more and more dependent on science, our routine is becoming increasingly mechanical, and perhaps science would become as the tyranical force of the future, just as religion was in the Dark Ages, and huamns would have to fight against scientific dogmatism to restore humanism. I hope this doesn't turn out to be the case.

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
Scott Adams

True, very true.

"People who live in society have learned how to see themselves in mirrors as they appear to their friends. I have no friends. Is that why my flesh is so naked?"

Jean Paul Sartre

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."
Oscar Wilde

Although it is not exactly related, i am reminded of a short story by a Pakistani writer Athar Tahir in which a person's mother chooses for him a wife almost exactly like herself... and the wife so much reminds him of his mother that he is unable to have a normal 'husband-wife' relationship with her.

My knowledge of art is almost zero, but i tend to feel as if modern artists are now as much concerned with ugliness as much as beauty. While the paintings of all the great masters of the art tended to have an aesthetic appeal and gave a pleasant feeling, a lot of modern art seems to be the very opposite... consisting of abstract, grotesque images which leave one's mind disturbed and agitated, without any sort of aesthetic pleasure.
What do u guys think? I'd appreciate some comments from someone who knows more abt Art.

Today is the birthday of the great German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche! The man who sacrificed his sanity for the sake of philosophy! We love you for your legacy to human thought in the form of your awesome writings and aphorisms!
Hear the master speak:

*At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time.

* Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.

* Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

And my most favourite!
* What a person IS begins to betray itself when his talent decreases,--when he ceases to show what he CAN do. Talent is also an adornment; an adornment is also a concealment.

It seems strange... one of my favourite RJs on Radio, Fez on CityFM 89, was doing his last show today, and was going abroad. And i don't know why, i felt quite sad at that. I don't even know him, i haven't even seen him, but still just hearing to his voice regularly on the radio had somehow forged an emotional bond. Its amazing how people can develop fondness and affection for so many things.

Anyway, Fez, i'll miss listening to your show. Good luck for whatever you do!

"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking."
George S. Patton

This guy certainly has a point here. Come on! Start thinking differently folks! We are not machines!

And Zeus said to Eros: "For every love will there be hatred. For every meeting of lovers will there be a separation. For every union will a seed of discontent be sown. Love there will be, but not in two, but in three, so that a failure is born out of every success, and the balance remains."

[P.S. The dialogue is fictitious and i made it up. It is not a part of Greek mythology.]

"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Sometimes it happens that you encounter someone who loves you with such intensity and unconditionally that you are surprised. And you find yourself incapable of returning that much love... that person sacrifices so much for you without even your asking, but you never give that support in reply that he/she deserves. And then you wish that person would just forget you and hate you, cause you don't deserve that love. I was reminded of this by a song by Blue October, 'Hate Me'. Here is an extract of its lyrics, dedicated to Dauphin. Forgive me.

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

"Music is the divine way to tell beautiful, poetic things to the heart."
Pablo Casals

I think that when a girl becomes overly conscious of her beauty, and the fact that it can be used to manipulate [most] men, she loses that sense of a true, sincere love. It just becomes a game of physical attraction for her. Very rarely that sense can reawakened, but only when she realises that someone might be interested in her not because of her beauty but because of her character. It is not very common, because such girls tend to have a flirtish character; not an attraction for most character-seeking men.

IgNobel Prizes are given every year for extraordinary 'improbable' research, and its results have become the focus of scientific community. The Ignoble prizes for 2006 were awarded a few days ago, and as usual showed some amusing research work. For example, the Ornithology award was given 'for exploring and explaining why woodpeckers don't get headaches'. The Mathematics award was given for calculating the number of photographs you must take to (almost) ensure that nobody in a group photo will have their eyes closed.'

Perhaps the most interesting for the readers here would be the 'Peace' prize, given to Howard Stapleton of Merthyr Tydfil, Wales, for inventing an electromechanical teenager repellant -- a device that makes annoying noise designed to be audible to teenagers but not to adults; and for later using that same technology to make telephone ringtones that are audible to teenagers but not to their teachers. [Wow!]

[http://www.improb.com/ig-pastwinners.html#ig2006]

Although i am a Leo, i don't feel like a Lion. So i asked my friend Saad, 'which animal do you think I am?', and he answered: "I think you are not an animal. You are a plant, a fragrant herb i guess, rosemarry or thyme."
Then he had some second thoughts.
"Probably you are a deer...or a stag..."
Me: "what are the qualities associated with them?"
Saad: "They are difficult to domesticate...but still very friendly and docile i guess."

I suppose that does fit in with my character. :)

We crossed the line
Who pushed who over?
It doesnt matter to you
It matters to me

The men who love you, you hate the most
They pass through you like a ghost
They look for you but your spirit is in the air
Baby...you are nowhere

You say in love there are no rules
Sweetheart
You are so cruel

Desparation is a tender trap
It gets you every time
You put your lips to her lips
To stop the lie

And you need her like a drug

She wears my love
Like a see-through dress
Her lips say one thing
Her movements something else
Oh love
Like a screaming flower
Love
Dying every hour

And you dont know if its fear or desire
Danger of a drug that takes you higher?
Head of heaven
Fingers in the mire

Her heart is racing... you cant keep up
The night is bleeding like a cut
Between the horses of love and lust
In a trampled underfoot

To stay with you I'd be a fool
Sweetheart
You are so cruel

What is Love???
--A group of 4 to 8 year-olds was asked, "What does love mean?"

The answers they gave were broader and deeper than anyone could have
imagined.

--"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even
when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." (Rebecca - age 8 )

--"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You
know that your name is safe in their mouth." (Billy - age 4)

--"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French
fries without making them give you any of theirs." (Chrissy - age 6 )

--"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." ( Terri - age 4 )

--"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." (Danny - age 7)

--"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday" (Tina - age 7)

--"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well." (Tommy - age 6 )

--"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all
the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the
only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. That's love" (Cindy -age 8)

--"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing
me to sleep at night." (Clare - Age 5)

--"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken." (Elaine -
age 5)

--"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day." (Mary Ann - age 4 )

--"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." (Lauren - age 4 )

--"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me
because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her."
(Bethany - age 4)

Smile and spread some love today!!!

I had the chance to listen to the song 'Its all coming back to me now' by Meatloaf last night, which is infact a duet he did with Marion Raven in Oct 2006. Most people would have heard the classic smash hit by Celion Dion 'Its all coming back to me now', but few know that it was originally written for Meatloaf by Jim Steinman in 1983. The song is brilliant and here are some of the lyrics:

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window

There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby

If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back

Discussions about compromise and love would make more sense if we keep in mind the distinction between "what is" and "what should be"... the 'reality' and 'utopia'. Compromise is the reality, love is a utopia.

I personally am not a fan of 'compromise' in relationships... i believe relationships should generally be driven by a state of natural affection, and not be a state of self-imposed compromise... but it is also true compromise is one of the most prevalent reasons behind sustained relationships [esp husband-wife] in our society. Without compromise, social relationships would undergo great disintergration. I don't know if that would be a good or bad thing... West has undergone this denial of 'compromise' and the institution of marriage has weakened enormously.

"Love", i believe, is one of the most ambiguous words used in such discussions, primarily owing to a lack of definition.
Psychologists follow the inclusive approach, a tradition which i follow, and therefore when they use the word 'love', they use it in the broadest possible sense, from infatuations to agape [spiritual love] to companionate love. (This is a topic worthy of separate discussion. I'll write something on it later.)

The idea of love in our society has been handed over from the poetic tradition, as Russell calls it 'romantic love', a form of love which develops only in certain social conditions, when the separation between the genders is neither too great nor too little. [In urdu poetry the age of Ghalib and Mir represents this stage, and in English the age of Byron.]
And similarly people have in their mind ideas of 'ideal love' or 'true love', as something distinct from infatuations and crushes, and this 'true love' is supposed to have characteristics like eternal loyalty etc etc. I'll take the liberty of calling this the 'exclusive' approach, since it excludes the experiences like infatuations from love.
Now 'true love' is not something that is observed very commonly. Its a rarity in present social conditions. The idea of 'true love' itself is logically consistent, i admit, but what use of a concept which is so far away from reality? To what use is a love which only a very small minority experiences?

Here i might also mention, i don't believe that any satisfactory theory of relationships exist which describes all the ideal conditions of a relationship. Just like philosophers have realised that political utopias don't exist, psychologists and social thinkers are realising that 'utopias of relationship' don't exist either.
The thought was disturbing for me in the initial stages, but well, i just had to accept it in the end. :)

Here are some quotes by Samuel Butler which i found interesting:

* An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard one side of the case. God has written all the books.

* A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.

* Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.

* God cannot alter the past, though historians can.

* If you follow reason far enough it always leads to conclusions that are contrary to reason.

* Is life worth living? This is a question for an embryo not for a man.

Abhi woh dard baqi hai
Agarchay waqt marham hai
Magar kuch waqt lagta hai
Kisi ko bhool janay main
Dobara dil basaanay main
Abhi kuch waqt lagna hai
Abhi woh dard baqi hai
Main kaisay nayee ulfat main
Apni zaat ko gum kar doon
Kay meray jism-o-wajdaan main
Abhi woh fard baqi hai
Abhi us shakhs ki mujh per
Nigah-e-Sard baqi hai
Abhi to Ishq kay rastoon ki
Mujh per gard baqi hai...
Abhi woh dard baqi hai

[Written by Faraz, perhaps. Selected by my dear friend Hasnain!]